“…UNTITLED…”

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Self Portrait

I walked into the room of self-examination
And looked into the mirror amidst the walls.
I gaze into the reflective glass
To see what truth in its halls,
But the truth I am told
Is not the truth I wrote.

I am frozen in horror at the sight of his face
This countenance I now gaze upon,
Like a black hole in the open of space
He devours all the light around this place.
A sly grin tears his lower face
A grin that cuts deep within my chest
Throwing my body into a frenzied fit of detest.

I want to look away
Turn and run away,
But his silent grimace
It won’t let me move.
It only draws me, lures me
To look deeper, search deeper
Into the caves in his head
Into the dark caverns that are his mind.

If the eyes truly are the windows to the soul,
Then he,
Me…

I have no soul!

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Maelstrom

He reaches from behind the glass
To grab and plunge me inside,
To share this truth he bears with pride.

I stand motionless
To be consumed by the darkness.
I do not resist
To be clenched by his fist
I give myself,
To him, this other self.

Slow is my descend
To the bottom of this phantom
Slow is my stride
As I shuffle forth
In this place without a light.
I find I stand
In the palm of a desolate wasteland,
An endless desert
With darkness for its sand.

I look up high
To see no sky
No life-giving, life-inspiring light,
Only fury and the night.
Where once the light
Had shone so bright
Now resides a storm
That rages with boundless might.

The clouds are filled with my fears and doubts
The thunder is fueled
By my screams and shouts.
The storm is a manifestation
Brewed by my very yin.

This truth is too much
For my shoulders to bear
By grief and despair
I am infected,
This deadly virus
Pillaging through my veins
Pulls me down.
Like a wounded stallion
Jerked by the reins,
This mighty temple
That once stood high and tall
Crumbles to its knees,
As though long destined to fall.

This is the realm
Of His soul,
Once the abode
Of my soul.

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natural_maelstrom_by_sudor-d49c2vk

In Hades Found

The storm swirls, collects
And begins its descent
To devour my ruins
Like that most fearsome serpent.
The might of its darkness
Weighs heavily on my fallen state
A burden beyond my means to take.
Upon me is the full wrath of this storm thrust
And I by the dark am wholly consumed.

I see nothing, I smell nothing
I hear nothing, I feel nothing.
All that is,
Is the dark and the cold
Nothing more are my senses told.

This storm it carries me
Down the grave pit of night
Leading me farther
Beyond reach of the Light.
As I drift away
Past time and space
In the mirror of my mind
I can still see His face.
I can still look into His eye
And all that there is,
Is the dark and the cold
Nothing more
That is His story told.

The storm drops me
In the heart of darkness
And in the distance I can see
Where lies the real me.

My true soul
Now a broken shadow if its former glory
Lies lifeless at the heart of this abyss.
I call out to this self
But the darkness chokes my cries.
I battle from up on my knees
Still heavy on my shoulders
My burden bravely stands.
I shuffle forward to try and lend me a hand
But the closer I lean,
The further He escapes from me.

I scream franticly towards Him
He struggles to lift His eyes to meet mine
His muscles grown feeble with time.
With strength of will alone He lifts His face
And catches me in His haunting gaze.
His face bears the signs of His pain
His body wet with violent rain
But the look in His eye
Says “I cannot die!”

Suddenly from the void
Flames erupt and engulf
Melting flesh from the cling of bone.
In agony He cries
His voice swollen and low
This voice that lost its vigor and strength
So long ago.

As this ghastly scene
Etches itself into the back of my mind
I finally realize
Where it is my soul I did find.
This is Hades
The realm of below,
Tartarus
Where condemned souls
For all Eternity go.

Now have I seen
Where the path of my ways
Shall me lead
When comes the end of days.
Fear and truth
Bind me in their constraints
As I look in horror
At my tormented face.

And all that there is…
Is pain and cold.
Nothing more
That is the truth I am told.

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Awakening

My sub-conscious state is thrust back
Into this plain
As I gasp for air,
Choked by this nightmare.

I sit up from my sweat-drenched sheets
To meditate on what I had just seen,
Was it all but just a dream!?
But how real this dream did seem!
In my ears still it echoes
The thunder of shouts and screams.
In my nostrils still it stings
The scent of melting flesh
As upon it the Hades flame
Its anthem of torment sings.
In my eyes still I see
That truth that lies within me.

In this still of night
Quickly I switch on the light
That it may soothe my savage fright.
I walk to the window
Sit and stare through the glass.
It somewhat eases my fleeing heart
To see the world still beats as it should,
“I’m awake, it was just a nightmare. That’s all, just a bad dream!”
I watch the night through the sky pass
And all that there is
Is the dark and the cold
Nothing more do my eyes behold
Nothing more to be wrote . . .

 

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Epiphany

Staring into the wind
Into a trance I fade.
I wonder through the doors of my mind
Take a stroll through the halls of my soul,
Seeking, searching…

“Was it all but just a dream!?”
The question echoes even in my trance.
Is this what Poe meant,
Was he as lost as I,
When he wrote the words
“Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?”

My head turns towards the bed
The pillow still holds my mould
But its invitation I reject.
I glimpse and behold,
Still fresh and clean
Beside where I lay my head
Is that Bible
That for so long has not been read.
Is that what I am meant to understand!?
Is this what I have been failing to see…?

Atop this mountain of my fears and failures
I see it,
A cross hung high.
Upon it His bleeding, beaten and bruised body
Is left out to dry.
His expression says He bears the world’s pain
His wretched form bears the world’s shame
But his eyes bear no fear or regret.
As He surrenders His last breath
He whispers to me,
“I have loved you with all I am, with all I have.
I will die that you may live…
LIVE!!!”
Dawn sprouts from the horizon
Watered by a heavenly shower.
Like the rain running down the glass pane
Tears trickle down this face
And with each drop that falls
So does the fear, the shame, and the pain.
That was not a dream!

I get up and move to the mirror
After a deep breath
I stare at the face staring back at me,
To see what truth he will tell.
No more sinister smile
Tears flow from his eyes,
He does not smile.
This is me
No other is behind the glass

;

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This is one of those pieces that has haunted me forever… From when I first put together the chapters; a time when that was all I could do to make sense of what I was going through; to right now years later as I claim to have it all under control…

It is funny how this piece still describes my growth cycle so well: –

Overthinking/Overanalysising ->> Doubting, Hating, Resenting ->> Admitting, Acknowledging ->> Reconsciling, Accepting ->> Evolving

Guess it affirms that I am still me despite all the transfiguration… Still me but BETTER!

Franken-Word Challenge #1 (03-12-15)

So this was the challenge… We are to drop random (as random as can be between such intertwined psyches) words through-out the course of the day, and at the end of that day…we must each take those pieces and stitch them up into something worthy of sharing.

And just as Dr. F sewed the pieces he gathered to create his masterpiece… HERE LIVES OUR FRANKEN-WORD!!!!

 

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Nexus
Lover
Realm

Dream
Sorcerer
Conjure
Radical
Manifestation
Resuscitate
Infuse
Soft
Breath
Petals
Erotic
Flying
………………………………………………………………………………………

HIS:

At the NEXUS point of our two REALMS… That is where I found my LOVER.
Is she but a DREAM within a dream,
CONJURED up by some cruel trickster SORCERER… I pray not!
For she is the MANIFESTATION of my desires, RADICALLY personified… She is all that I have ever wanted!
If she is truly a waking dream, then please do not RESUSCITATE me…
Leave me be in this dream realm of ours!
Where her love is the SOFT BREATH that INFUSES my being with cosmic energies.
No I don’t want to wake up, I don’t ever want to leave!

I will make my home, make my bed here…
For you my love!
I will leave a trail of velvet PETALS, an EROTIC runway that leads right to me…
For tonight milady, our souls are FLYING!

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HERS:

Caught up in a DREAM….
There I met a SORCERER and together we CONJURE RADICAL spells of emotional MANIFESTATIONS.
We RESUSCITATE spirits of sacred beings…..
Spells INFUSEd with SOFT BREATHs,
soft as PETALS on skin,
carrying EROTIC scents that send souls FLYING beyond mortal comprehension…

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“The HUNT”

Hunter
Thirsty for blood
Hungry for flesh,
He lurks in the dark
Masked by shadow
Concealed by the night
Searching, Stalking.
With his prey in sight
He gets ready to strike.
Stays low to the ground
That she won’t be roused,
Creeps ever closer
Crouches, waits…

Being the experienced predator that he is
He knows how to play
How to exploit this game!

Hunted
She looks up, around
Sensing the danger afoot
Though she knows
He closely lurks
She will not run.
Yes, her fear
And thought of pain are real and great,
But they are overcome.
The thrill, the chase
The excitement, the passion…
That is all that she feels,
That is all that matters,
That is all that she wants!

And so begins The Hunt!

Sensing the time is right
He pounces
Making his final strike,
Now she has no place to escape!

Theirs is a forbidden
Primal, deadly affair…
But then again,
That is exactly
What makes it worth all the care!

Into her soft, tender flesh
Fangs and claws sink,
Deeper and deeper.
In this, their bloody ritual
She is the offering
And in this frenzy he feasts
He ravages
Down to her very soul.
Mouth still watering
Hunger still unending,
He admires this full course
Laid out in front of him.
The aroma, texture,
The euphoria!

He feels no shame
No remorse
And why would he.
Mayhap his heart
To stone has been cast,
An achievement of a seasoned predator.
Whatever it is
Does not matter,
Not here, not now!

Still she does not flee
Even through all he subjects her to
She won’t even scream,
She stays.
She only succumbs
Surrenders…
Offers her all!
Mayhap she just wants to feel
If only this one time.
Be lost with him
In the passion, the ecstasy
Here and now!

This is the way of the game
The rules of the hunt.

Hunter, Hunted
He, She…
Both, all!
There is only the game
Only the hunt!
Hunter, Hunted
Pawns, victims…

Hunter, Hunted
Thus continues THE HUNT!

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/*

This is actually an old piece, much like most of the ones I have/will be putting up of late…

Though in my dusting it off and polishing, it struck more than a few chords (have to admit) . . . When this piece was written it was from an outside (perhaps even innocent) perspective, but who/what I am now has been a predator in his own right! Guess karma has a way of predicting some introspection.

I believe if you have lived, loved, hurt… you will understand this piece for what I think it was meant to be, perhaps even better.

Yep… Im a broken being. Go figure!  #PagesTornFromMyDementedMind

*/

Prodigal Son

moderne verloren zoon

I collapse to all fours weary from the climb
But with my destination in sight
I summon up the might
Rise to my feet and step forth.
Upon reaching those Pearly Gates
I crashed down to regain my breath,
To contemplate and compose myself.
Smiling to myself and with a relieved sigh
I whisper, “Here we are…”

“Took you long enough!” was my reply.
To my surprise as I glance up,
The gates are open and there before me He stands.
He walks out to meet me and helps me up to my feet.
“Almost thought you wouldn’t make it”, He jests.
“Wouldn’t have missed it for the world! Besides it wouldn’t be as fun without me right”…
He indulges my joke and laughs.
We stood there for some time
Savouring this moment.
My smile drops faster than my ears,
I sit back down, without a word He reciprocates.

Before I go on in,
There are a few things I feel I have to say…
I look up to catch his gaze…

It is quite clear to me
That i was on the wrong track from the very word ‘Go’.
I was born to this road
Bound to be ever lost.
And yet You just wouldn’t let it be,
You set signs all along the path
Warning me of its treachery.
Signs meant to deliver me from its fate.
I didn’t deserve it, but still You went through all the trouble.
I usually just ignored those signs,
I just carried on. It’s my life after all right?
But at one time I heeded
And took the route pointed by these signs.
It was not an easy road,
But it resonated with a calm confidence
That inspired in me a surprising peace.
On this path I enjoyed Your presence
Bore witness to Your blessings and grace.

But even under Your light I was weak,
I let the shadows of my past catch up and trip me up.
I looked back with a questioning gaze,
And seeing the World pass me by I longed for it.
I yearned for its kind,
I craved its life,
That life of thrills, excitement and countless possibilities.

I left Your side and danced into the night
Never had I felt so alive,
Or so the illusion went.
I lavished the attention,
I became one with the masses.
If only my conscience had let me be!
Its screams haunted my dreams
As I lay awake in the dark,
The more alive I tried to feel,
The less peace it granted me.
I hide my torment, covered up my pain
And carried on.
But as went the days
So the mirror did confess,
This face I had put up
Slowly eroding away.
Now unable to hide my shame
My demons I had to face,
It was either me or them.
Soon my foolishness became apparent,
Waging war with the demon world
Was a task no man could undertake alone.
At my lowliest point
When all hope I’d given up,
You whispered to me to get up.

I didn’t want to
I was sick and tired of trying to fight
Trying to change and reclaim my pride
But with so much on the line
So much riding on me,
I knew I had to.
I had long since made a vow
That I would make You proud
Prove beyond all manner of doubt
That I would make it in this life.
But now I had let you down
Succumbed to the doubt and fallen flat down,
Yet still You whispered to me
That I should rise up from the ground.
I got up and started again the road
It’s a thousand times harder to start again,
But I had to!
I had to prove to myself and to You
That my life, my existence
Was not in vain.
I’ve been walking since that day
Trying my best to follow the prints
You left behind in time’s sands.
At times a step I still missed

Slipped and crashed down
But I always reminded myself of my vow…

So now here I am,
The weary Pilgrim
From the journey bruised, wounded and scarred
A slightly altered image of the being
You originally envisioned<
But Your being nonetheless!
A being that at last
Has found his way back Home.

His warm, loving hand
Wipes the stray tear
That creeps down my face,
And in the silence still
He gets up and walks me through the Gates.
As behind us they close
And by Paradise’s glow we are engulfed,
He whispers into my ear,

”I am Proud!”

A Moment Entre Nous

kiss

I look into those soft, piercing eyes
Searching for a door left ajar
I open my mouth
A lone, silent breath
Is all that emerges
All that I dare allow to escape
My chords lacking the resolve
To orchestrate the vocals
My tongue and lips the courage
To utter them,
These very words…
I choke!

My eyes drop
My spirit falling rain
It breaks on the ground.
She can already feel me pull away
Back into the shadows from whence I came.

As my body shifts
Preparing to slip away
She grabs my arm
And forces our mutual gaze.
In that instance, I swear
We drift away
Into a moment of eternity
That slipped from Time’s hands
In that temporal, transient, eternal frame.

She looks right through me
Gazing at the portrait
Painted on my very soul
Reading all
That through my lips alone
Could never be told.

We snap back to the present
Eyes still locked in a violent grip
She moves closer
And pulls me in.
Like the perfect scene
On life’s silver screen
My lips meet hers
And Oh God…
They are a perfect fit!

Every sense of our being
Drowns in a frenzied fit
Of ecstatic bliss
No concept of space time
Words or rhyme
Bears any relevance nor importance
I am hers
And she is mine…

That moment
It came, stayed a while
Then went away
But life would never be the same
From that spark have erupted
These flames of passion
That now furiously burn
Within our heart.

For so long had I imagined such a moment
So many forms had it taken on my mind’s stage
So many times had I pictured us face to face
And through these very lips
Be uttered the heart-borne words
That would forever make her mine.
So long, so many
Yet as it had been rehearsed
This moment never came to pass.
But while lost in that instant
As she searched my soul
And I gazed in awe at hers,
I came to understand
That no words voiced from these lips
Could ever truly describe
This love that between us resides
That this love
Has no need for fancy words
Nor any mortal sound,
That words and verse
Cannot craft its image.
I understand now
That this love
Is above and beyond
My human comprehension,
That I need not make sense of
Nor define it.
It just is!

And while still in that moment
Content we linger
Cradled in each other’s arms
Entangled in each other’s souls

I am hers
She is mine…!

STEEL

forge

Still waters may indeed run deep

But Steel wanders ever deeper.

Many have fallen in quest noble

Some more notable,

To pierce and glimpse his iron core.

They should just stop and listen.

He is cold to first embrace,

But will not easily discard

What warmth upon him is bestowed.

He will cling and radiate with it.

Slow to reach boiling

For he knows better than any

The scorch of his molten rage poured out.

So in reclusion he will cool

Away from smoking earth and blood,

Away from inciting more harm.

His tongue is tipped on double edge

This he has learned very well.

Skilled in duels of love and war,

Its strike fast, sharp and without remorse.

For this he remains ever ‘en guard’

Lest they are pierced, those close to heart.

His breadth smooth to the caress

But his edge on careless flesh

Will split and tear.

In ignorant banter his serrated jaw

May part bone from bone.

His luster soothes and eases the heart

This same luster that glows in crimson sweat

Triumphant in the wake of his massacre.

His place is out

In fields and plains

Where conflict and battle

Is all that reigns.

He is without a sheath

Without a home,

He is a tool borne for purpose

That is all he must know.

Strength must he become,

Never yielding, never breaking.

His utmost offering being the self,

Always quick to be thrust

Against arrow, spear and blade alike.

Though his is the birthright of offence

He forsakes it all to protect.

He wears those wounds and pain

With glory and dedication

This is all he has known.

None know how deep

Those hollow-plated scars

Stretch beneath his armored smile.

He is strong,

He always smiles,

He is there when you need him,

He will make a plan,

HE WILL FIX IT!

This is all they need to know!

Warrior’s Confessions…

I have fought many a battle
I have the scars to show.
I have won many victories
My blade and shield have the marks to show.

I have never accepted defeat!
UNTIL NOW . . .

I am not afraid to let down my gaurd,
Drop my shield and sheath my blade
I closed the eyes in the back of my head
Coz now I only want to look ahead.

Ahead towards my lady
Ahead towards my destiny!

No, I am not weak
She made me stronger than i could ever be…

She is my defeat,
And MY GREATEST VICTORY!!