I collapse to all fours weary from the climb
But with my destination in sight
I summon up the might
Rise to my feet and step forth.
Upon reaching those Pearly Gates
I crashed down to regain my breath,
To contemplate and compose myself.
Smiling to myself and with a relieved sigh
I whisper, “Here we are…”
“Took you long enough!” was my reply.
To my surprise as I glance up,
The gates are open and there before me He stands.
He walks out to meet me and helps me up to my feet.
“Almost thought you wouldn’t make it”, He jests.
“Wouldn’t have missed it for the world! Besides it wouldn’t be as fun without me right”…
He indulges my joke and laughs.
We stood there for some time
Savouring this moment.
My smile drops faster than my ears,
I sit back down, without a word He reciprocates.
“Before I go on in,
There are a few things I feel I have to say…“
I look up to catch his gaze…
“It is quite clear to me
That i was on the wrong track from the very word ‘Go’.
I was born to this road
Bound to be ever lost.
And yet You just wouldn’t let it be,
You set signs all along the path
Warning me of its treachery.
Signs meant to deliver me from its fate.
I didn’t deserve it, but still You went through all the trouble.
I usually just ignored those signs,
I just carried on. It’s my life after all right?
But at one time I heeded
And took the route pointed by these signs.
It was not an easy road,
But it resonated with a calm confidence
That inspired in me a surprising peace.
On this path I enjoyed Your presence
Bore witness to Your blessings and grace.
But even under Your light I was weak,
I let the shadows of my past catch up and trip me up.
I looked back with a questioning gaze,
And seeing the World pass me by I longed for it.
I yearned for its kind,
I craved its life,
That life of thrills, excitement and countless possibilities.
I left Your side and danced into the night
Never had I felt so alive,
Or so the illusion went.
I lavished the attention,
I became one with the masses.
If only my conscience had let me be!
Its screams haunted my dreams
As I lay awake in the dark,
The more alive I tried to feel,
The less peace it granted me.
I hide my torment, covered up my pain
And carried on.
But as went the days
So the mirror did confess,
This face I had put up
Slowly eroding away.
Now unable to hide my shame
My demons I had to face,
It was either me or them.
Soon my foolishness became apparent,
Waging war with the demon world
Was a task no man could undertake alone.
At my lowliest point
When all hope I’d given up,
You whispered to me to get up.
I didn’t want to
I was sick and tired of trying to fight
Trying to change and reclaim my pride
But with so much on the line
So much riding on me,
I knew I had to.
I had long since made a vow
That I would make You proud
Prove beyond all manner of doubt
That I would make it in this life.
But now I had let you down
Succumbed to the doubt and fallen flat down,
Yet still You whispered to me
That I should rise up from the ground.
I got up and started again the road
It’s a thousand times harder to start again,
But I had to!
I had to prove to myself and to You
That my life, my existence
Was not in vain.
I’ve been walking since that day
Trying my best to follow the prints
You left behind in time’s sands.
At times a step I still missed
Slipped and crashed down
But I always reminded myself of my vow…
So now here I am,
The weary Pilgrim
From the journey bruised, wounded and scarred
A slightly altered image of the being
You originally envisioned<
But Your being nonetheless!
A being that at last
Has found his way back Home.”
His warm, loving hand
Wipes the stray tear
That creeps down my face,
And in the silence still
He gets up and walks me through the Gates.
As behind us they close
And by Paradise’s glow we are engulfed,
He whispers into my ear,
”I am Proud!”